Is there such a thing as true match? It makes it all sound like a game
of Snap. Well yes I think there is such a thing. Who do we match
with? I think the first issue is to know who we are and what we are
about. Once we know this then we can work out who we can possibly match
with. That innocent comment is where a lot of people fall down. I am
often surprised how little people take a good look at themselves. You
may feel that you perfectly suit Brad Pitt or Pamela Anderson but then do you really know that much about them as people, and would they go for someone like you?



Sure we often want to match ourselves with people of certain look and
physical properties and that is entirely natural. However if we weigh
300 lb. and have never seen the inside of a gym then I think its fair to say that we may not be the perfect match
to a sportsman or a model. Why? Well simply because nature tells us
that we match with likes. On a base level we are here, says nature, to
procreate and so we select accordingly.



That of course on its own would be too shallow a premise to write this
article but the first element of any match is physical compatibility.
Matching with someone on a purely physical level is not enough to last.
Sex is a part of any relationship
to some degree so looks do matter, even if to a small extent. After all
you must be able to wake up next to that person for months or years to
come, and you must want to be able to make love to them in some form,
even if its simply kissing.
I often here some people say that appearance is not important to them
and I am always impressed. What they really mean is that looks are not
important as along as you like the look of that person already. Looks
are only ever important if you do not!



Many relationships fail where sex is missing or unsatisfactory, where
physical contact in many forms is lost. When that occurs the
foundations of a relationship can be rocked so we must say that
appearance and therefore physicality in any match is an important
factor. The first thing you may look at when you meet someone may be their eyes, smile, teeth, hair, handshake, kiss and physique etc. They are all physical attributes.



The other problem about matching physically is that we may not truly
know how physically attracted we are until much further into a
relationship we are. It may be sometime before physical intimacy is
shared and sexual contact occurs. Therefore an emotional, even love,
match may have already developed further. But we do try matching with
people, look at fashion. The way we dress and the way we appear in
daily life speaks volumes about who we are. Maybe money is tight and we
don’t have the cash to look our best. That is true. But what we can do
for ourselves by way of presentation comes through loud and clear. Not
making an effort is the biggest criticism I hear about guys on a first
date. If a woman makes a great deal of effort then a man should respect
himself and his date enough to look as good as he can do too.



Okay so we also know that in time appearance and the physical aspects
of a relationship become far less important as we get to know a person
emotionally and that mental contact with someone becomes far more
powerful an influence. Yet initially matching with someone it is still
extremely important. We all discuss, chat, talk, debate, joke, laugh,
speak etc. and it is all because we are identifying with each other and
building the foundations of an emotional connection. It may be found in
a shared experience or hobby, activity or event. It may be found in
opposing powerful views discovered in conversation accompanied by
profound respect and deep seated desire to extend this connection
further. It may be that we share the same type of pet, a similar liking
for certain foods even similar books we read, but they are emotional
connections that are essential in establishing any connection. As we
can see, initial matching is a complex scenario.



The next important factor in any match is location. I could match with
someone right now in Australia, but unless I am in Australia then it
doesn’t help me begin a relationship. I may consider flying to
Australia to meet my match but then can I sustain my match and help us
grow? Well of course that depends on the two individuals involved,
their circumstances, position, age, regularity of meeting and planned
future. The reality as we know for single people is that long distance
matches tend not to work unless both parties come together quite
quickly after meeting. I agree that some long distance matches do and
will work really well, but it is not the norm. So what I am arguing
here is that when we look at who we match with, let’s be reasonably
certain that our locality to those we meet and match with allows for a
relationship to develop. Whilst I may meet someone in Los Angeles who
is perfect for me, unless I am prepared to move, visit often or
relocate then maybe my match is not my best choice for me.



One thing often overlooked in matching with someone is humor. Yes we
often specify that someone must have a great sense of humor. And
everyone reading this will say, yes they have a great sense of humor.
To them they have! And that’s the killer qualifier. In a high quality
match between two people humor is where it is shared and
unquantifiable. It is essential that the humor is at a subtly
understood level. What makes one person laugh does not make another
person laugh. And yet I watch so many people co-exist without every
laughing together and it makes me sad. A solid relationship will have
moments where common laughter is essential, where the sense of humor.
between two people is almost unspoken. That I believe is one of the key
ingredients in any true match. You may really be attracted to someone
but of they don’t make you laugh you may be wasting your time.



Background sometimes has an influence in a good matching scenario
because it has prepared you both with similar social experiences and
belief systems. This may be true of schooling, parental experiences,
locations lived in, travel undertaken, or even just activities and
sports accomplished. This is a wide area and there are no definites but
we do know from decades of surveys and evidence that people do tend to
stay romantically within their own social strata. This means that
people stay with those who they feel most comfortable with. This may be
because their common experience and understanding promotes the feeling
of a good match.





Outlook on life really is underestimated. If you both have the same
goals in life you may make a great match. If you have differing career
goals, travel plans, ambitions and personal goals, you could be wasting
your time together. There is a huge temptation to offer to compromise
when you really meet someone you feel you match with. This may be the
wrong thing to do. Because what you are doing is compromising for now.
You haven’t solved anything that is important to you, you have simply
put it on hold. It may come back to haunt you. Then again you may feel
terribly happy to move to San Diego, relocate to Seattle, or cohabit in
Anchorage. Often life has no set paths and so this could be perfect to
allow the match to develop properly. But the reality is that you both
should hold some common opinions and values, maybe in terms of
religion, social beliefs or simple views on life and children. Whatever
it is, the more you share, the stronger your match is likely to be.





So in the end we meet someone. We like the look of them and they like
the look of us, we laugh and chat together, we build an emotional link
through conversation and knowledge and we are attracted to each other
on multiple levels. We find we have a shared experience through our
backgrounds and we share similar outlook on life and oh yes, we live in
the same neighborhood. Match made in heaven? Possibly and possibly not.
Love is not just about matching, it is about instant chemistry,
something enigmatic and mysterious, not quantifiable. For all the right
reasons we can fall in love in an instant with the wrong people and
then again, we can simply not find it within us to love someone who
appears so right.



And for that, I have no answer.