How you approach tricky situations is key to your success in life and love.
DR LINDA SAYS: "WE CAN'T EVER CONTROL WHAT HAPPENS TO US, BUT WE CAN CONTROL HOW TO REACT TO IT"
"I keep shoplifting"
For the past two years, I've been shoplifting every week and now I feel I can't stop myself from stealing things when I'm out. The worst thing is that I'm not even taking things I need - I'm stealing or the sake of it. What's wrong with me and how can I stop?
If you really can't resist stealing, you may have kleptomania, which is defined by experts as "an inability to resist impulses to steal items that are not needed for personal use or monetary value". Kleptomania is different from shoplifting, which people do to steal things they want or plan to sell to make money. Some researchers believe that kleptomania is an obsessive compulsive disorder because the urge to steal feels like an intrusive thought they can't control unless they steal, which then reduces their intrusive thoughts and tension for a while. Other studies suggest that kleptomania may be related to mood disorders, like depression. If you feel the urge to steal things you don't need, and feel anxious before and great relief after, ask your GP to refer you to a psychologist or psychotherapist, who will assess you and decide on a treatment. For some, this involves a course of counseling, while others respond better to a combination of counseling and drug therapy.
HOW TO...
Turn down a male friend who's decided he fancies you
- If you have an inkling that a friend is attracted to you, try dropping hints about how much you value your friendship, or how it's great to have a male friend without any romantic tension getting in the way.
- If he does mention liking you, regardless of your 'subtle hints', tell him that a partner is not at the top of your list of priorities, but that you really need good friends.
- If you can, make a joke of it: "Are you kidding! We're already like an old married couple - we know too much embarrassing stuff about each other to make it work!"
- Once you've had 'the chat', change the subject and move on. The quicker you get back to normal friendship mode, the easier it will be to move on.
- Don't overdramatise the situation. Friends will often feel attracted to each other and, if handled correctly, a goof friendship can survive anything - even unrequited love.
LIFE SCRIPT
The right way to resign without burning bridges
WHAT TO DO: Organise a meeting with your boss so that you have time to say what you need without any interruptions. Keep it brief and say positive things about your experience to keep a good relationship - you may need references or want to work there again. Never let it turn personal.
WHAT TO SAY: "I wanted to let you know that I've found another job and am resigning. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to work here, I've learned so much. I have prepared my resignation letter, so let me know if we need an exit interview - I'd like to work out my notice/take my annual leave before I start my new job. Thank you again."
